I’m afraid of all kinds of things. Snakes (a valid fear given I live in Australia, we have loads of them and many can kill you) tops my list, flying (although I’m getting better at that) comes a close second, and failure (a common one, I know) rocks into a solid third spot.
When I committed to start this blog, build my website and embark on the journey of becoming a best-selling author, I always imagined my first blog post would be something inspirational, full of advice about commitment, creativity and courage. As a personal development junkie with an Honours degree in psychology I looked forward to imparting all kinds of wisdom about the value of education, how to remain positive and the power of taking action.
Preparing For the Journey
To prepare for launching my blog I’d listened to podcasts, watched online videos and done online courses, all to educate myself on how to create a website, start a blog and build a mailing list. I spent endless hours scouring the internet for website themes, looking for the perfect platform upon which to build my author brand. When I finally settled on a theme, I then spent more hours imagining how it would look, what images I would use and how often I’d post articles.
So when the day came for me to sign up for a hosting service and purchase my premium theme, I was excited. Very excited. This was the first day of my journey, a major step in my commitment to becoming a blogger and best-selling author. I re-visited a video from an online course, followed their step-by-step instructions and found myself on the web hosting site purchase page.
And then I froze.
What? Why was I hesitating? It certainly had nothing to do with entering credit card details onto a secure site because I shop online all the time. It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford the reduced-price multi-year deal, because I had a little nest egg put aside for this purpose. And it wasn’t that I had any doubts about the hosting service because it had come recommended by my most trusted virtual coaches and mentors.
So what the heck was going on?
Feel The Fear
As someone who has suffered from varying degrees of anxiety for most of my life, I knew the feeling I was experiencing all too well. It was fear. Fear of trying just one more thing that may not work. Fear of committing to a path I may not have the courage, grit or resilience to tread. Fear of spending money on another venture that would return nothing. And fear that my dream of becoming a best-selling author was just that: a dream, and one that would never become a reality.
At that point I had a choice: (a) click away from the page and go read a book, or (b) enter my credit card details and click the “pay now” button. As I look back I can’t believe I ever considered clicking away from that page, but I did. I tried to bargain with myself; wait until you have more money behind you, the little voice said, forget the blog and get your novels written, the blog will just take up time you could spend writing fiction. These were but a few of the arguments I put to myself to squirm out of doing what I feared.
Right then I recalled the advice of two wise and inspirational women. The first was Dr Susan Jeffers who wrote the bestseller Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. Dr Jeffers points out it’s not the thing itself that we fear (as in me spending money on a web host) it’s our fear we can’t handle whatever happens as a result (as in me investing my hard-earned on just one more venture that comes to nothing). At that point I thought back to other ventures I’d invested in (an online creative writing school, my most expensive failure, came to mind) and then I thought “did it kill me?” Of course the answer to that was no. My next thought was “did I learn anything from it?” This time the answer was yes. I learned plenty from that failure. I learned that I had to plan, prepare and educate myself about every aspect of a venture before committing myself and my money to it. This time I’d done that and had in fact spent the better part of a year doing it.
If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? The answer is: NOTHING! Dr Susan Jeffers, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
The second piece of advice I recalled was that of Elizabeth Gilbert, who most people know as the author of Eat Pray Love. In her wonderful book Big Magic, Liz acknowledges the presence of fear whenever we undertake any creative project. She then says it’s quite ok to have fear along for the ride, just don’t let it take the wheel and drive.
Dearest Fear:… You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the road maps; you’re not allowed to suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive. Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic – Creative Living Beyond Fear
Do It Anyway
At that point I pushed fear into the back seat, told it to buckle its seat belt, and paid for my web hosting. I then purchased my premium theme. By the time I watched the video and completed the basic configuration the front page of my website, fear had bailed completely.
Fear is one of our primary emotions. It has an important evolutionary purpose. If it weren’t for fear we would do all kinds of life-threatening things, like swim in shark-infested waters, jump off cliffs into water of unknown depth, poke that brown snake with a stick rather than let it go on its way or walk straight into the path of traffic rather than wait for the ‘walk’ signal.
What is fear holding you back from doing? Is it asking for a pay rise or promotion? Is it starting a new project? Is it joining a gym and getting healthy? Is it asking that special person out on a date? Is it putting your latest creative project out into the world? Whatever fear is stopping you doing ask yourself:
- What is the worst thing that can happen?
- Can I handle it? How?
- Will it kill me?
Assuming you answer ‘no’ to the last question, there’s only one thing left to do – grab the wheel, relegate fear to the back seat where it belongs and tell it to enjoy the ride.
