I’ve been a bit quiet online lately, partly because I have been head down tail up in the first draft of Fire Moon but over the past couple of weeks I’ve had something else preoccupying me.
One of my dogs became sick. And then she died.
Ever since I was a child I have loved animals. I love animals so much that seven years ago I transitioned to a vegetarian and ultimately vegan lifestyle. I did my psychology honours thesis on the psychology of eating meat and likely jeopardised my chance of graduating with first class honours by doing so. So be it. I am not preachy about my lifestyle choice, I just live it.
And it’s the same with my choice to live with four-legged companions rather than two-legged ones. I have four rescue cats and until a few days ago, two Bernese Mountain Dogs. I unashamedly call my dogs the lights of my life. I’ve had Berners (as they are known) in my life since mid-1991 and for 27 years I have not made a life decision without first considering them and their welfare. Whenever I’ve moved house, the first things I consider are whether there is a large, fenced yard, and access to an undercover area. How many bedrooms, the state of the kitchen/bathroom and whether there is heating or cooling all come in second behind the comfort and safety of my dogs.
Unfortunately Berners aren’t long-lived. They are a large breed dog and as the saying goes ‘the larger the dog, the shorter the life’. Before Rebel my girls lived for 9 ½, 7 ½, 9 ½ and 8 ½ years. I was beside myself with excitement when, in March this year, Rebel made it to double figures – my first girl to 10! I even made a cake and lit candles. Both Rebel, and her daughter Scarlett, loved it.
As 2018 wore on I saw no reason Rebel wouldn’t make it to her 11th and maybe even (yikes!) 12th birthdays. She was as bright and agile as ever, and unlike my other girls who had made it past 9 years, showed no signs of going grey. But fate had other ideas, and over the last few months she lost weight. Then a few weeks ago she stopped eating. Surgery to remove an infected uterus ensued, and she was recovering well until she suddenly stopped eating again and worse, began vomiting up everything she ate or drank. A week in hospital on a drip and the strongest antibiotics her frail body could endure ended last Friday, 9 November 2018, when my girl took her last breath on a vet hospital operating table as we tried to locate the source of a chronic infection. It turns out she had a grass seed lodged in her lung, something that had likely been festering for months, if not a year or more.
A grass seed. Something so tiny, so innocuous, took the life of my beautiful girl.
I’d like to say I will get over Rebel’s loss in time, but I know I won’t. I never get over any of them. I just get used to being without them. And in time, new dogs come, I adore them, and then they leave too. And every one that goes takes a piece of my heart with them. It’s the way of things. At least it is for me.
And so my life goes on. I have Scarlett, one of 10 puppies in a litter she bore in 2010, who is the greatest gift Rebel could ever have given me. I am her person and she is mine, and together we will get through this.
So as I say farewell to the kindest, most loving, gentle and forgiving dog I have ever known, I am so humble and grateful she graced my life with her presence for 8 ½ of her 10+ years on this planet. I know I’ll see her again one day. But in the meantime I have novels to write and work to do.
And if you have a dog, or a cat, or any other animal in your life, give them an extra hug or pat tonight. You never know when might leave.
Dear Suze, you are heart-broken – I’m so very sorry that Rebel has crossed over the Rainbow 🌈 Bridge. Of course you won’t get over her loss but the edge won’t be so very sharp forever. You have Scarlet to comfort you and I imagine your four kitties will be aware of your distress and giving you extra snuggles.